We are continuing our discussion on toxic people. Lets recap; in part 1 we talk about what a toxic person is and how they make us feel. I highly encourage you go back and listen to that episode >> LISTEN NOW!
We all have people in our lives that are quote on quote “toxic”. But I want you to take some ownership and think about your OWN part in the relationship. Today your going to learn how to own your part, identify the culprits, and what actions you must take to take care of yourself.
Let’s just agree that calling someone toxic is childish. For the purpose of this episode we are going to identify these people as stress inducing individuals. Research on these types of relationships, one of the reasons we tend to continue the relationship is because we feel obligated. We feel that there’s a history and that it’s hard to just walk away. It can be very hard to completely cut someone out of your life and that’s something that will happen in the most extreme circumstances.
What I want to help you do in this episode is to determine what dosages of these people you can handle. True friendships don’t keep score. Friendships sway and sometimes you the one giving more, and other times the other person is giving more. Healthy relationships DON’T keep score and don’t expect payback.
So here are the practices that have helped in my life.
- Just chill out! Don’t make the issues bigger than they are. Slowly and gently teach the person how to treat you. Slowly change the rules. Don’t be passive aggressive. Just slowly but surely start to change the relationship and how you’re allowing them to treat you.
- Determine how much stress you are allowing this person to put in to your life. At this point you need to look in the mirror and realize that you need to take some responsibility for how you’re allowing this person to make you feel.
- You need to make the change within yourself. Don’t expect this person to change. When talking to them be careful with how you talk to them. “When XYZ happens, it makes me feel like ABC.” Don’t say “YOU make me feel ABC.”
- If need be, clearly define the relationship within yourself and with the other person. This might mean you need to sit down with them and talk about the struggles your having in the relationship. But remember to make this about you. Don’t expect them to understand. But just lay down some boundaries in a healthy way.
- Lastly if need be, just ignore them! Its crazy to think that this person is going to change for you.
Repeat after me, “I have stopped giving you permission to produce stress in my life.”
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