Needy friends. Why do we attract them? Is it because we’re good people? Or, perhaps, we’re seen as the kind of individuals who take care of things? Maybe there’s something in our energy which tends to attract those who are broken? Whatever the reason for attracting needy people, friends or not, it’s time to break that cycle.
This is a phenomenon I call: wounded bird syndrome. If you “suffer” from this personality type, you have a natural propensity to bring needy individuals into your life all the freaking time! This need to help the needy is always there… living in the back of your mind. Cue: horror movie soundtrack!
But wait! Don’t get me wrong. It can be a wonderful thing to be someone who helps others and takes care of them – getting them back on their feet. That said, it can also be something that’s destructive to both those you are serving and the people who really need you and your time.
Before I break down HOW to stop attracting needy peeps, allow me to further clarify this type of gal…
She is a good person, for sure. That said, she’s always struggling. It’s as if a black cloud floats over her head. Always in debt. Every week there’s something new going on that’s just traumatic. Bad luck for years!
So, here YOU are thinking,
“I can’t blame her. It’s not even bad decisions. Terrible things are constantly happening to this person and if they don’t have me, who do they have?”
What do you do? How do you nip this in the bud? How do you break this pattern?
5 Things That Happen When You Attract Needy People (and when you figure these out you’ll stop)…
Step one: Be self-aware.
If you tend to continually attract these people into your life, I want you to make a list of all of the ways it makes you feel. How does it serve you? And I’m not talking about someone who is truly a friend in need. This is about those who are just forever wounded and you’re coming to their rescue because it feeds something in you.
Step two: Realize their problems become your problems.
Maybe she asked you to help her move this coming weekend or pick her up from the airport. Honestly, you don’t even know her very well and, still, you agree. But, guess what? There’s no truck to fit her couch or her plane is delayed. All of her problems are now yours.
Step three: Creates codependency.
If you’re fixing things for this person, what do they learn about their own ability? That they’re not capable. They’ve got to come to you for help. They need you. You’re teaching them, essentially, that they can’t do things on their own.
Step four: Procrastination.
If you’re trying to get over or fix your problem with procrastination, be very careful before you take on another wounded bird. You’re probably helping her out to avoid whatever it is you SHOULD be doing.
Step five: Empty comparisons.
You don’t have to look critically at your own imperfections (and the things that you need to improve upon) when there’s somebody else who’s “way, way worse” – right?
“Well, at least I’m not an alcoholic!”
“At least I have a roof over my head!”
“Don’t look at me, I have a job!”
When you think these things to yourself, you don’t have to look at the areas in life you know you need to improve upon.
You’ll find my own personal evolution – with plenty of revealing anecdotes – detailing how I went from a major wounded bird collector to no longer attracting them… on The Chalene Show HERE! It’s a can’t miss episode and I trust it’ll help you tons!